I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
