Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Randomize