took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
