I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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