I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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