are you still at the devil's house?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize