he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
