It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
