Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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