Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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