i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
