Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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