Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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