I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
