i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
