highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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