He told me they were just razor bumps!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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