so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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