I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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