shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
