I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
