You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
