My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
