even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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