It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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