thus making me awesome and them whores
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
