I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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