I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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