things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
