he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
