Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
