did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
