I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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