Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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