The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
