no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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