hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
