I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
