i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
not ubering you a puppy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
