That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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