TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
