Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
