just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
