i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
