We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
