no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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