White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
