cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Randomize