Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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