The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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