Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
