I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
