I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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