When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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