He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
