Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have post one night stand depression
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