Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
