He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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