GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
