I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
