Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
