Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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