i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
