we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize