Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
