I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize