there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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