What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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